Dear Parker,

I've been very bad about writing during the last couple of months.  Things have been so busy.  That's never a good excuse, but that is the reason.  So, here is my attempt at a catch up.  

I feel like you have grown up so much in the last couple of months.  You have started doing a better job of going to sleep without us in the room.  We are still working on it, but you are getting so much better. You don't cry when we leave you with babysitters or other people.  You venture off to play by yourself - even in new situations.  

You act out "Pinkalicious" all the time.  You have the funniest facial expressions while you sing.  You are developing the ability to exaggerate.  You were telling me a story about a girl at school doing something you didn't want her to.  I asked if you asked her to stop.  You responded, "Like, 17 times, Mommy!"  

Speaking of school.  Yesterday was your last day at the Primrose School.  That has been such an amazing place for you.  You have come out of your shell and become more independent.  You love school again.  I'm so grateful for everything they have done for you.  You are really going to miss your teacher, Mrs. Fredericks.  She was awesome!

You and Mrs. Fredericks on your last day

I was very proud of you yesterday.  You were able to tell me that you were feeling happy that it was summer, sad that it was your last day at Primrose, excited about going to Orchard in the fall, but also nervous about a new school at the same time.  That's some self-awareness, baby!

And, tonight!  You started to learn to read.  I think you are mostly "reading" from memory right now, but it's a good place to start and you are excited and proud.  Me too, honey.  Me, too.

Happy Summer!
Love,
Mommy

Spring Break 2012 - Chicago: Day Two

Dear Parker,

Well, you certainly started this day off bright and early.  At 5:45, you called for me and immediately asked if we could go eat breakfast.  I tried dragging you into our bed, but it soon became clear that you were not going back to sleep.  So, we got up and around and down to breakfast early.  (You were very excited about breakfast.)  We came back to the room for a little bit and then headed to the aquarium.

We had to take the subway and you were SO excited. You were also a little nervous I think.  We got on the train and you wanted to know all about the different stops.  I told you what stop we were getting off at and every time they announced a stop you would tell me that this wasn't our stop and we needed to stay on the train.  Apparently, you were a pro already.

We got off at our stop and you rode in your stroller as we made the walk to the aquarium.  We stopped to look at the art installation of "feet" and you had tons of fun running and hiding.

The time at the aquarium was, at times, a bit harder.  We had to wait a decent amount of time to get in and you were clearly getting tired.  You perked up a bit when we got inside and you never had a meltdown or a tantrum and were very clearly having fun, but we often had to convince you to keep going.  You kept asking to go back to the hotel.  I'm glad we just powered through.  After seeing lots of river fish and the sharks and other fish downstairs, we saw the 4-D movie which you thought was amazing.  You kept reaching out to grab the things, it was pretty cute.  We were going to try to cram seeing some other animals in before the Aquatic Show, but decided you could use the rest.  During our down time waiting, you insisted on taking pictures of us and Allie and even took Allie down to the water to show her the whales.  It was hilarious and cute.  We had lunch and you perked up.  We went downstairs and you had fun playing in the water.  You had fun watching the penguins for a little bit before we had to move so the man could do his talk.  We went upstairs to see the jellyfish - which you LOVED and then decided that if was finally time to go.  We let you pick out a souvenir (this is vacation after all).  And you chose a pink, sparkly turtle that looks just like the baby turtle (well, minus the pink sparkliness) in "Finding Nemo."  Apparently, marketing is not lost on you.  You love it though - and named it Squirt, just like the turtle in the movie.

We intended to run to the Target (as I forgot to bring socks and neither your Mom nor I remembered toothpaste!) and head back to the hotel.  As we were walking, you passed out.  I have no idea how you slept in that tiny little stroller, but you did and that nap pushed you through.  We ended up going to get a snack and then coming back to the hotel to take a quick swim and head to dinner.  We went to Millenium Park first.  You loved the bean.  You kept running and running and running.  You started to tank a little during dinner, but held in there.  We came back and you asked to watch a little tv.  It was only 6:30, so we said you could watch 30 minutes.  At almost exactly 7:00, you just started crying because you were so tired and just didn't know what else to do.  We did a speed bath (I mean, you were already crying, so why not?) and you were asleep before 7:30.

You did such a good job today.  I know you were tired, but you didn't throw any fits or have any meltdowns.    I'm proud of you.  I had so much fun and I know that tomorrow will be just as much fun.

I love you, little girl.  Sleep well and long!
Love,
Mommy

Spring Break 2012 - Chicago: Day One

Dear Parker,

Today we drove to Chicago for the first day of our vacation.  You were so adorable all day long.  You woke up and were ready to go right away.  Once we finally got on the road, you made us take turns yelling out the fun things we were going to do and then everyone had to cheer.  It was hilarious.  You kept asking how many more miles we had to go.  You love looking at everything in the city.  You are like the crosswalk police - commenting on everyone who walks when there is no walking man and people who cut the corner off the end of the crosswalk to start heading the direction they need to go.  You are fascinated by the idea of the subway.  It will be really fun to take you on tomorrow.

Tonight, we arrived and went swimming.  The pool is a little bit jank, but you didn't seem to care.  We then went to dinner at the Rainforest Cafe.  You were quite unsure of the animatronic animals.  You would tell me to get away from them at first, but then you warmed up.  You never did want to get close to the crocodile again, but you liked the Cheetah and totally loved the Elephants at dinner.  You had a really good time, but were so tired.  You asked us to skip dessert and come home so you can go to bed.  I can't even imagine how tired you are going to be the rest of the week, but I think the fun will override.

You were really well behaved today and I'm hopeful that will continue.

I love you so much.  You were so amazing today.  I love you more than anything and can't wait for tomorrow!

Love,
Mommy

What goes Bump in the night?

Dear Parker,

You had a fabulous day yesterday.  You didn’t cry when I dropped you off for school, you didn’t ask to get Allie or your cloth out of your bag, we had a completely pleasant dinner and bath and then you did well at ballet.

This is a total turn-around from where we have been.  Drop-offs have been slowly getting better, but ballet last week was a nightmare.  You simply refused to leave my lap and participate.  It was horrible.  The whole thing.  I was so disappointed in you.  But, you did much better last night.

I do wonder what’s going on with you.  Lately, you have just been very afraid.  Of the Dinosphere at the Museum.  Of the whooshing noise the vents make when the heat kicks on.  Of shadows.  Of the smoke detector.  Of anything in the night.  You have been waking up multiple times a night and not going back to sleep well.  Last night was better, but the night before was awful.  You were up at least 4 times and didn’t go back to sleep until I brought you into our bed.  It’s exhausting.  I’m not sure if you are just thinking too much or what, but I will be happy when you are through it.

I don’t want you to be afraid.

Love,

Mommy

Rough times

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Dear Parker,

Yesterday was a rough day.  Your fish, Mariah, had been sick for quite some time and she finally passed away overnight.  We told you that Mariah had gone to fishy heaven and you started crying and ran to your tank.  You saw her laying there and you said that she wasn’t in heaven.  She was in the tank.  We tried really hard to explain the difference between Mariah’s body and her soul, but I think that was lost on you.  We dug her a little hole in the backyard gave her a little funeral.

I think you are still confused because if we mention Mariah being in heaven, you will almost always say that she isn’t in heaven, that she’s in a hole under the deck. 

In other terrible news, Stuart and Lauren had to put Roxy down yesterday.  She had been suddenly sick in the last week and she just wasn’t going to make it.  You were very sweet and said that maybe Roxy would be friends with Mariah in heaven.

I know you don’t truly understand, but I’m glad you seem to be doing ok.

I love you so much,

Mommy

What to do?

February 13^th, 2012

Dear Parker,

Baby, you are kind of killing me.  I don’t know what to do about your screaming and crying and reaching and trying-to-escape from your teacher’s arms in the morning thing.  I know you aren’t unhappy at school.  You never want to leave.  You tell me that you have fun during the day.  Your teacher says you calm down relatively quickly (but that it helps if she lets you get your cloth.)  And, it’s not just school.  You did the same thing when Mom took you home form the basketball game the other day.  You started to throw a giant fit when I said I was going to drive the car and Nancy was going to sit in the backseat with you instead of me.  It’s all the same fit.  I just don’t know how to fix it.  Everyone says that we need to talk about what’s going to happen during the day and when I will pick you up and what fun things you are going to do at school – but we already do that.  You know exactly why and when you go to school.  You are just having horrible separation anxiety from me right now and it’s pretty horrible.  I don’t know what to do.  This is our busiest time of year, but I am doing my very best to spend tons of time with you.  I don’t even have any rehearsal this year and you are even more of a mess than you have been in the past.  I just feel so lost and don’t know what to do. 

I love you more than anything and I’m so sorry that you get so sad whenever we aren’t together.  I miss you, too, but I know that I will always see you soon.

We will get through this, little girl.

I love you.

Mommy

Some awfulness

Friday, February 10^th, 2012

Dear Parker,

Today I am feeling like a terrible Mommy.  It all started last night.  We had pep band, so we were at University.  The games were running behind because of some overtime, so the Varsity game didn’t start until around 8:00, already 30 minutes past your bedtime.  We hemmed and hawed about when/if to send you home.  You started to get quite tired during the 2^nd quarter and by halftime you were toast, so we sent you home with Mom.  You were not leaving without a fight though.  You cried all the way out, reaching out to me with your scrunched up crying face begging for “one more hug.”  I hate that.  SO much.  It makes me feel like I am sending you away forever.  Apparently you screamed and cried almost the entire way home.  I called on my way home and you had calmed down, but were not yet asleep.  You were holding out until I got home.  So, I rushed in to see you and you fell asleep almost instantly.  But, that was still 10:00 at night.

You were so tired this morning and, of course, we were running late because I needed to get gas and it was trash day and I had to get extra things around for you and a myriad of other reasons.  Plus, tonight Mom and I had scheduled time with friends.  You are supposed to go with Nancy to the game and then we will meet you at home.  I’m feeling horrible about it. You had a terrible drop-off at school (more screaming and “one more hug”-ing)  I want to give you all the time you need with me, but I also need time out as a grown-up.  It’s terrible timing.   I didn’t know a week ago that it would be so terrible.  I just hope you know when I leave you at school (or anywhere) that I love you more than anything else in the entire world and that I will always, always, always come back.  I will spend every second with you this weekend.

You are the most amazing little girl in the entire world.  I love you so much.

Love,

Mommy